Date Line: June 17, 2008
MEC Paddling Event, Toronto ONT., CA.
P&H Dealer- Mountain Equipment Co-op
Werner Dealer- Complete Paddler
When asked to participate in the ¼ mile sprint, open class race I was delighted. The notion of pitting my massive frame, powerful muscles, unfathomable paddling skills, and unyielding determination against those I mean to one day rule is the meat of life on which I thrive. To understand the nature of competition and dominance over those around you is to know yourself in its entirety. To prove that which is inevitable to the masses is indeed the truest test of a man’s humility.
It is at these times that a man such is myself ask the question, “how could I best destroy my competitions mind and spirit, thus making the victory that much more sweet?” Then it hit me; a flash as brilliant like a lightning bolt hurled by the hand of Zeus from Olympus- a giant boat! As I gazed down the beach I saw it, belly up to expose the hulking and massive craft, a 10 person war canoe measuring 28 feet in length. Now I know what all of you are thinking; Kelly works for P&H, the finest kayaks in the known universe. Why wouldn’t he race a P&H boat? That, my minions, was simple. Were I race in a P&H boat I would have won the competition with a ½ mile lead thus no one would understand my supreme paddling ability and, rather give the credit to the boat. I could not allow that.
The one compromise I could not make was the use of a fine Werner paddle. Why, to ask me to use any other paddle would be tantamount to having me slap my mother in mouth. This I could not let stand. To make the point so that all can understand, were I a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon in the spring to reveal myself as a majestic monarch butterfly, I would see that a Werner Paddle would be my wings, my motion, my everything.
At the starting line, the rest of the paddlers looked on me as the god I am; ½ human, ½ machine, ½ canoe, and 110% man. The fear and loss I saw in the other competitor’s eyes moved me. How are these paddlers able to both love and fear me at the same time? Yes, I showed mercy on them. As the start was signaled it was obvious what the right choice had to be; let a few win. This achieved two significant goals. One; to illustrate that I am just and fair; that I can take with one hand give with the other. Two; For those who stood by me on the afternoon and face me in competition, They are now able to go forth in the world and announce that I, for one moment, was able to race and win against such a mighty man-lord as Kelly. And those who did not race with me on that day would hold their man hoods cheap. We few, we brothers.
Victory was not mine that day but I believe we all won simply by being out on the water with me, Kelly Blades. And just as Thor has his hammer, Moses had his staff, and Pan had his flute, I too have my Werner Spanker…and a really big canoe that in no way is an overcompensation for some inadequacy.
MEC Paddling Event, Toronto ONT., CA.
P&H Dealer- Mountain Equipment Co-op
Werner Dealer- Complete Paddler
When asked to participate in the ¼ mile sprint, open class race I was delighted. The notion of pitting my massive frame, powerful muscles, unfathomable paddling skills, and unyielding determination against those I mean to one day rule is the meat of life on which I thrive. To understand the nature of competition and dominance over those around you is to know yourself in its entirety. To prove that which is inevitable to the masses is indeed the truest test of a man’s humility.
It is at these times that a man such is myself ask the question, “how could I best destroy my competitions mind and spirit, thus making the victory that much more sweet?” Then it hit me; a flash as brilliant like a lightning bolt hurled by the hand of Zeus from Olympus- a giant boat! As I gazed down the beach I saw it, belly up to expose the hulking and massive craft, a 10 person war canoe measuring 28 feet in length. Now I know what all of you are thinking; Kelly works for P&H, the finest kayaks in the known universe. Why wouldn’t he race a P&H boat? That, my minions, was simple. Were I race in a P&H boat I would have won the competition with a ½ mile lead thus no one would understand my supreme paddling ability and, rather give the credit to the boat. I could not allow that.
The one compromise I could not make was the use of a fine Werner paddle. Why, to ask me to use any other paddle would be tantamount to having me slap my mother in mouth. This I could not let stand. To make the point so that all can understand, were I a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon in the spring to reveal myself as a majestic monarch butterfly, I would see that a Werner Paddle would be my wings, my motion, my everything.
At the starting line, the rest of the paddlers looked on me as the god I am; ½ human, ½ machine, ½ canoe, and 110% man. The fear and loss I saw in the other competitor’s eyes moved me. How are these paddlers able to both love and fear me at the same time? Yes, I showed mercy on them. As the start was signaled it was obvious what the right choice had to be; let a few win. This achieved two significant goals. One; to illustrate that I am just and fair; that I can take with one hand give with the other. Two; For those who stood by me on the afternoon and face me in competition, They are now able to go forth in the world and announce that I, for one moment, was able to race and win against such a mighty man-lord as Kelly. And those who did not race with me on that day would hold their man hoods cheap. We few, we brothers.
Victory was not mine that day but I believe we all won simply by being out on the water with me, Kelly Blades. And just as Thor has his hammer, Moses had his staff, and Pan had his flute, I too have my Werner Spanker…and a really big canoe that in no way is an overcompensation for some inadequacy.
